Why is my child strong-willed and so difficult?! (AKA: 'Spicy')

Heidi answers the following question in this episode:

"Hi Heidi, why doesn’t positive parenting work on my spicy 8 year old? My 10 year old is so different and much more dutiful, compliant and easy. My 8 year old is aggressive, violent and hates any talk about feelings. It feels like we are all walking eggshells. My husband yells and isn’t as patient as me, but I lose it too, as nothing seems to work. I could talk about feelings and validate the emotions of my 10 year old but Mr 8 hates any kind of emotional chat. Why is he like this?"

Heidi answers this question by discussing:

  • emotional regulation and how it's such a key issue for SPICY kids
  • the two main beliefs SPICY kids have about themselves
  • how needing choice, feeling anxious and angry outbursts are all interconnected
  • a discussion around the belief a lot of people have that these kids are choosing to be this way and are just disrespectful, strong willed and defiant
  • what to do and say when your child says 'I hate you!' or 'I'm running away!'

Mentioned in this episode: