Is Strict Parenting And 'Control' An Effective Approach?
Jan 04, 2022
How control and strict parenting erodes influence over our children:
If you only remember one thing- this month, this week, today- is asking yourself, 'Is what I'm about to say or do going to build connection or disconnection? If it is going to disconnect us can I either not say it? Or can I say it in a different way.'
So important because you would know by now you can't control your kids. Or maybe some of you think you can. I'll tell you that those of you that have teenagers can verify this for me, you can't control your kids.
All we really have is influence. If you are connected, you have influence. If you fixate and focus and prioritize control, you will lose them. They might be obedient and compliant, but the relationship over time won't be there.
That's, again, why I go back to prevention and stuff - disconnected adult relationships are so preventable. But if people feel controlled all the time, they don't want to be in a relationship with someone who controls them.
And I know sometimes control is easier for us, and it makes us feel better. But it hurts their little spirit. It makes them think they're not enough. It makes them think they're not lovable, and they can't make good choices, that you need to make all the choices.
So if you can try to prioritize connection, ie validation and empathy, you'll have a much different relationship with them. Especially in the teenage years, where it matters a lot. And those of you with adolescence, I know I can't see you, but I know you're nodding your heads going 'Mm hmm. Yeah. No control in the teenage years.' Just influence. And the ones that have influence, that have their kids ear, have connection.
So important because you would know by now you can't control your kids. Or maybe some of you think you can. I'll tell you that those of you that have teenagers can verify this for me, you can't control your kids.
All we really have is influence. If you are connected, you have influence. If you fixate and focus and prioritize control, you will lose them. They might be obedient and compliant, but the relationship over time won't be there.
That's, again, why I go back to prevention and stuff - disconnected adult relationships are so preventable. But if people feel controlled all the time, they don't want to be in a relationship with someone who controls them.
And I know sometimes control is easier for us, and it makes us feel better. But it hurts their little spirit. It makes them think they're not enough. It makes them think they're not lovable, and they can't make good choices, that you need to make all the choices.
So if you can try to prioritize connection, ie validation and empathy, you'll have a much different relationship with them. Especially in the teenage years, where it matters a lot. And those of you with adolescence, I know I can't see you, but I know you're nodding your heads going 'Mm hmm. Yeah. No control in the teenage years.' Just influence. And the ones that have influence, that have their kids ear, have connection.
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